Friendships and Romantic Relationships for Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder and Asperger’s Syndrome

"The thing that confused me most wasn't conversation itself. I could usually answer questions if someone asked me something. It was everything around the conversation that felt impossible to decode. Where do you stand? How long do you keep eye contact before it becomes weird? If someone laughs, are they expecting you to laugh too, or are they just laughing for themselves? It felt like everyone else was playing a game where I only knew half the rules.

I remember standing at a company event once pretending to read emails that didn't exist because looking at my phone felt less awkward than standing by myself. Looking back, I'm almost certain nobody cared what I was doing. At the time, though, it felt as if every person in the room could somehow tell that I had no idea how to join a conversation.

I don't think confidence has much to do with it anymore. The more I watch people, the more I think familiarity does most of the heavy lifting. You see the same person enough times and eventually saying hello feels stranger than saying nothing. You see the same cashier every week. You pass the same neighbor while walking[…]”

Excerpt From How to Make Friends Anywhere: A Short Guide to Social Skills for Men with Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome

Chaim Bernstein